Shamira: Love is Hard

Story Title: Love is Hard

Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/23405/love-is-hard-eunhyuk-superjunior-you

Author:  Shamira

Profile Link:

Reviewer: daniela501

Site: Sweet Delights Request Shop

Title 5/5

I think the title perfectly fits the story since they were through much hardships ever since their past relationships.

Foreword/Description 7/10

Foreword given wasn’t really a foreword and the description wasn’t detailed.

Originality (Plot and Character Personalities) 13/15

Plot wasn’t that original, but it’s good that you gave Eunhyuk a different personality.

Flow 7/10

Things were going so fast, like their relationship. They became friends instantly when they were like enemies at first and their wasn’t a significant event to make them reconcile.

Writing Style 19/20

Understandable and it’s clear who is speaking.

Grammar 10/25

I found rather a lot of grammatical errors just in the beginning, that’s why a lot of points have been deducted.

I would have given you every error so you can edit them all without having to look for them by yourself, but review requests are still lined up.

So here are some of the errors I found.

Eunhyuk is the most best dancer in the school , I mean , Yeah for the boys . He's the most famous guy in school .

Revision: Eunhyuk is the best dancer in the school, I mean, yeah, for the boys, he’s the most famous.

You like to help everybody that in deed in your help but they like to make fun of you just because you are a nerd . but , You don't wear spectacles .

Revision: You like helping people who are in need of your help, but they like to make fun of you because to them, you are a nerd, despite the fact that you don’t wear glasses.

It's been a while , I haven't talk to you .

Revision: It’s been a while, I haven’t talked to you.

The competition is just tomorrow ? I think you better go practice

Revision: The competition is already tomorrow? I think you better go practice.

" If she is lucky , I think she won't get the affect but most of my patients , They got the affects " Doctor said .

Here are your major mistakes:

1. Spacing

-          You often put spaces even if unnecessary. DO NOT put spaces BEFORE punctuation marks. DO put spaces AFTER them

2. Capitalization

-          The first letter of a word should only be capitalized if: a) it is a proper noun, b) it comes after a period, and c) it is the first word of a COMPLETE sentence.

3. Forming the past tense of a word

-          Remember, you are narrating something that happened in the past, so you need to use the past tense of the verbs.

Overall Enjoyment 13/15

I enjoyed the story, but as I said, everything happened so fast so I wasn’t able to savor each moment.

Bonus Points 2

Total Score: 76/100

Reviewer’s Note:  I hope you are all right with my review ^^

ReaReaUmbi: Because Stars Do Not Shine; Because You Are Human

Because Stars Do Not Shine; Because You Are Human

by ReaReaUmbi

Reviewer: SKID_11 @ Sweet Delights Request Shop

Title: 3/5

It’s a bit too wordy for me to truly like. Titles are meant to be short and sweet, in my opinion. You can make them long, but not too much. I’m not saying yours is very long, but it’s long enough. However, it is a good, poetic title, and it makes a bit of sense with your one-shot, so good job! :) You get three out of five from me!

An Idea for the Title:  A suggestion from me to you would be that you should name your one-shot “Because Stars Do Not Shine” or “Because You Are Human” instead.

Description/Foreword: 5/10

I can’t give you a good mark for this because of the fact...well, you don’t really describe much. The description is basically you talking about losing/not-losing the one-shot, instead of using the description for what it ismeant to be used for – drawing in curious readers.

Also, your foreword is nothing but an author’s note, though I have to admit that there isn’t much you can do for a foreword when all you have written is one-shot. Lol HOWEVER, I gave you a five because of the fact thatTRIED to write a short, detailed-enough summary, so thanks for trying! :)

Originality of Plot: 19/20

It was very original, since I’ve never seen something formatted this way or written this way, and so, kudos to you, my friend! ^.^ hehe

I took one mark off since I wasn’t one hundred percent sure about what this one-shot really broadcasted. Key’s awesomeness? The fact that he should just relax sometimes? Some people don’t truly understand him? There was so many things happening and being talked about here, so it was confusing to grasp the true meaning for this.

Writing Style: 20/25

Great writing style! It was just that it was a bit confusing in some places, where I didn’t understand what you were trying to say, though it sounded really deep and poetic. xD Hehe; sorry!

Grammar and Spelling: 8/10

A few mistakes here and there is why you lost two marks.

For example, this:

i. Idiots do no understand the definition by which you go by, nor do they comprehend the ever so idea that you are just a normal guy with slightly too pale skin, a heart heated by the sun himself covering every ounce of pain and whim with Maquillage

Is actually supposed to be written like this:

i. Idiots do not understand the definition by which you go by, nor do they comprehend the idea that you are just a normal guy with slightly pale skin, a heart heated by the sun itself, covering every ounce of pain and whim with Maquillage.

Mistakes like this is all I saw, which is good, for these tiny mistakes don’t really take much away from the actual message you were truly to portray – Key’s aweome (...er, I think that’s what you meant to say, right?).

Characterization: -/25

This is not needed, since there aren’t exactly any characteristics to grade. Don’t worry, though – I’ll take this out of the overall mark, since that is the only fair thing to do.

Other: 5/5

Simply because of the formatting of this poetic one-shot, how you used wonderful words to get your little point across, and simply because this truly did show/broadcast Almighty Key’s...er, almightiness. Lol xD

Overall mark:

60/75

The one-shot was good, but do remember these three things:

• Read aloud when trying to self-edit
• Get at least two people to peer-edit (They don’t have to know you; perhaps they’re online friends or friends on AFF)
• Use spell-check at least twice to make sure every is fine

If you remember all of this for next time, and perhaps even use these bullets for this one-shot, you’ll make it so much awesome and better than it already is! :)

Good job on this one-shot, and keep on making great one-shots/stories!

Night97: True Light

Story Title: True Light

Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/27976/true-light-ukiss

Author: Night97

Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/6477

Reviewer: daniela501

Site: Sweet Delights Request Shop

Title 4/5

It wasn’t understandable at first why it was entitled “True Light” and it wouldn’t catch much attention from readers.

Foreword/Description 7/10

There’s no foreword and the description wasn’t very detailed.

Originality (Plot and Character Personalities) 15/15

Totally different from the true Kevin! Haha! =)) And well, your story is different because it is mostly about being religious and living the right path.

Flow 10/10

Nothing too fast and everything was connected to each other.

Writing Style 20/20

Completely understandable and not confusing.

Grammar 18/25

I thought as I turn from left to right,

Turn should be in past form: turned.

(A number of errors like this were located like seems=seemed need-needed.)

A man asked, I looked back and pointed by gun at him.

It shoud be “my gun at him”

He looked at me and again, touched my shoulders in a comforting way, but after, he walked pass me.

After what? Use “afterwards” or “after that”.

"You have good intentions, my dear. But you don't achieve what you have in a clean way."

It is better to say “you don’t achieve what you want in a clean way”.

It took me some time to process what is happening.

“Was” should be used since you are talking about the past.

(I encountered a number of errors like this. Is=was are=were do-did)

I shrugged the thoughts of.

This is like “shaking the thoughts away”, so better use “off” instead.

but I doubt if they can find me

“If” is used in stating conditions, use “that”

He popped out from nowhere.

Use “popped out of nowhere”

I sat beside him in a bench.

In=on

“This is the 10 Commandments

Since you are talking about ten commandments, it should be this way “These are the 10 commandments.”

Jessica lipped as she ran towards my direction and hugged me.

It is better to say “mouthed”.

Overall Enjoyment 14/15

Good story, and it even conveys a lesson.

Bonus Points 3

For me, the fact that you had a different plot: revolving around God and living rightfully, should earn a lot of points. Not only would the readers be eager to read this, but as they finish, your story will surely leave a mark in their hearts.

Total Score: 91/100

Reviewer’s Note:  I hope you are contented with the score I gave you ^^

ShiningStar_: Marrying My Oppa

Title: Marrying My Oppa
Author: ShiningStar_
Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/12208/marrying-my-oppa-kimhyunjoong-onew-romance-shinee-snsd-tiffany/18
Reviewer: Cho
 
Title: 3/5
The title was ok but wasn't enough for me to get attracted to the story with that title.
The title was well connected to the plot though and it also made me think,
"How is she going to marry his oppa?" which is good for the readers to think like this so they can have
more interest to the story. 
 
Poster/Background: 9/10
First of all I'll talk about the background. The background was so bright to see, it also hurted my eyes
but as I saw the pictures there it was well suited to the story. The poster was also nicely done
by Jaeminchul, the picture of Yumi and Onew together in the photo, as well as outside of the photo
there's Hyunjoong and Tiffany who'll be out in the story as well. It was nicely done except that it
was to 'Shining' , 'Bright' ? If it wasn't too bright and shiny I should have gave this the full mark.
 
Description/Foreword: 8.5/10
First of all I found a mistake in your Description which was pretty easily seen.
"I was a just a normal and bored high schooler."
It should be: "I was just a normal and bored high schooler."
You included the "a" when you weren't suppose to put it there.
 
Instead of "How do we have different family name?"
It should be "Why do we have different family name?"
"He loved me like a real dongsaeng. And"
It should be "He loved me like a real dongsaeng and"

You didn't need to put a full stop there, you included a lot of full stop in when you didn't need to put it there.
The description was good and interesting that more than the Title I was really into the description and the foreword.
By reading the description I really wanted to read the first chapter alreaedy! To see what was going to happen
and to see if that actually happens.
 
The foreword there couldn't find any mistakes which was good and the characters were well described.
How you tell the readers if it's rated or not, describing the characters your writing style. 
It was all perfect in the foreword that I really like reading it, it was also neat and tidy.
 
Plot: 13/15
How you wrote the story was so neat and tidy, I loved it also it was long as I love reading long chaptered stories.
At the first chapter it started off with a good start her friend talking and fan-girling about shinee and superjunior,
and how she mentions Hyun Joong, as in the story Onew really seemed clumsy and also loving the chicken.
But my thoughts were gone just like that, when his father said to Marry Yumi at the first chapter, I thought it
was going to be in the middle of the chapter saying that he has to marry her, but since it was at the first chapter
to marry her, it got abit boring. 
 
The second chapter I realised that onew and tiffany was already in a relationship, how she pecked his cheek and left 
and onew thinking about if he will tell her or not, as I can't write all of the chapters down on here, I will shorten
my words by saying that there were some boring parts on some of the chapters and some fun and nice parts in the chapters
also it was nice to read with all the tidy and neat writing, if it was more interesting than that it would have
let me gave you some more higher points. 
 
Creativity/Originality: 10/15
There are a lot of stories about being siblings with singers and having to get married to a person that they really
don't like, but at the end starts to like the person. Their friends being all stuck into the girl because
that she is the sibling of the singer and those things are partly from any stories that I read before.
It wasn't that original as I read the story. Like as I keep on reading the story I almost had a feeling what's
going to happen next or how the ending was going to be, it made it that obvious from some part of the chapters.
 
Flow: 9/10
The flow was good though, there was no feeling of you skipping the story too much, there weren't anything being rushed.
It was just fine for the flow that if you keep on writing like that the flow of the story will be 
much better and good.
 
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9.5/10
I couldn't spot the mistakes in the chapters that I read so far but can I tell you something when a person speaks
you don't need to put that much full stops, "Yes I know. I have to go now. Others are waiting for me." this is my example
of how you are writing when a person speak also "Yes I know! I have to go now! Other's are waiting for me!" You don't need to
put too much of those, it could just be "Yes, I know. I have to go now because the others are waiting for me." Try to 
finish the sentence instead of giving the person too much full stops and the mistakes on the description are there
to get fixed :) 
 
Characterisation: 10/10
I gave you this full mark because as I told you in the story, the characters you described was all there in the story.
It was written well and understandable for the readers to like it and to know what roles they are going to take part
in the story. I really loved how you wrote the characters down :D No confusions, straight forword of what you have to
write about the characters it's 10 out of 10!
 
Writing Style: 8/10
I wanted to give you a full mark but... it was so neatly written and I love the font, colour and the size you used for 
the readers to read the story. The size wasn't too small or too big it was just in the middle that the readers can 
read but there were some disappointments of how there were no paragraphs to the story, well if there
were some paragraphs I couldn't actually tell if it was one or no as it for me just looked like a full whole
sentence you wrote there were mostly people talking in the story then describing in the plot.
 
Overall Enjoyment: 2.5/5
Yeah, because as I said there were some boring parts and some fun and exciting parts that I read in your chapters.
 
Extra: 5/5
I am giving this to you because of my late review. Because Hyunjoong is 5 out of 5. He is my bias in SS501.
How you described the characters and how you wrote it neat and tidy without too much mistakes.
Goodluck on finishing the story :) 
 
Total: 87.5/105

Night97: Hurt Enough To Die

Story Title: Hurt Enough To Die

Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/12105/hurt-enough-to-die-jongho-jonghyun-jongkey-key-oneshot-shinee-yaoi

Author:  Night97

Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/6477

Reviewer: daniela501

Site: Sweet Delights Request Shop

Title 3/5

Wasn’t that much related since Key was the one hurt, but the story was, like, more focused on Jonghyun’s act. So maybe you should have given the title about loving someone so much that the person can give up his own life. J

Foreword/Description 6/10

You didn’t provide a well-structured description and foreword. Also, it seemed like you have interchanged the two.

Originality (Plot and Character Personalities) 14/15

You gave the characters a new personality, especially Minho and it’s a good thing that there’s something new for the readers.

Flow 9/10

It was good how you made Key realize that he should have given Jonghyun a chance to explain. The flow wasn’t too fast and too slow. The timing of Minho coming to Jonghyun’s house was great. ;)

Writing Style 18/20

You’re writing style is good and it is easy for the readers to understand who is speaking. Keep on using that style.

Grammar 20/25

Here are some of the grammar/spelling mistakes I found in your story.

That you have been doing this fro the 3 years we've been dating?

=for the past 3 years we’ve been dating

they were just waiing for the proper time to arrive

=waiting

but some things happen and he found out

=happened

"I-I'll g-give another ch-chance"

=To whom are you giving that other chance?

=I’ll give you another chance.

I'll only love you

=I’ll love only you.

=Because you want to say that he is the only one you will love.

=In your sentence, it’s like saying that you’ll feel only love towards him. You won’t feel hatred or joy or anything else towards him.

Overall Enjoyment 14/15

The story is good and catchy. It’s so emotional and captures the hearts of the readers.

Bonus Points 2

Well written, good plot and catchy.

Total Score: 86/100

Reviewer’s Note:

I hope you are contented with the grade I gave you ^^

PurpleMidLuv: I Fell In Love Just For a Plan

Title: I Fell in love just for a plan!
Author: PurpleMidLove and NikuroAi
Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/16245/i-fell-in-love-just-for-a-plan-donghae-taestal-yoona-yoonhae
Reviewer: Cho

Title: 4/5

I loved the title it was attractive for me to keep on continuing to read the story. Firstly when I read your title I was like “What thought of plans are they going to come up with?” and “How will they fall in love because of the plan?” those things just kept on coming out of my mind. It was most of all well linked to the story as well!
Poster/Background: 9 /10

Eh? Why 1 mark is down, I think you also have a mistake on your poster how it says “It all started on a stupid plan!” which I think it’s suppose to be “It all started with a stupid plan!” I think this is what it was supposed to say instead of ‘on’ it should have been ‘with’. The characters were alright on the poster and the colours were wonderfully done. I loved it. If it wasn’t the mistakes I found it would have been a full mark for the posters! 
Description/Foreword:10 /10
Oh wow! How I just love your description and the Foreword! It was funny and how you described the characters were funny as well. When you first wrote brats I thought it was girls you were talking about but when I read it you were referring to the boys Taemin, Thunder and Dongho which was good! After the ‘!!!???’ you don’t put an “AND” maybe you should have wrote it  “already making a move on her sister?! But the worst thing is…” and continue on with that. “A plan was made! which…” suppose to use the Capitol letter! “A plan was made! Which…” after the ‘!’ always start back with an capitol letter. After that you put BUT! A lot but after the BUT! Start with an Capitol letter. ^^ Just becareful of those mistakes.

The genre says it’s romance and comedy and I can see and feel that it is a comedy story just by reading your funny description of your characters!

Plot: 13/15

Damn, I already found a mistake on the first sentence which is not good.”When Dongho said it with an unpleasant voice that Taemin hates” (.) where did the full stop go? Becareful of the small little mistakes you do, try proof reading it when you finish and see if you have any mistakes because right now everything is alright except for the little mistakes you made.

When dongho spoke to the two guys didn’t you mean by “Guys” not “Gays”
Also, after you write a quote if you are going to write another quote start on a new line, because it kind of confuses me.
For example: “Dongho-ah, come here!” Chun doong screamed out,
“Okay hyung!”
Like this, if you write it all together, I get confused like who is talking to who at the moment and don’t you think it looks messy in some other way?

This is just an example of what you did.
“Come here!” “Ok!” “What are we suppose to do now?” “Run!!”
This is just my example, the RUN!! Is from some park of your story in chapter one! Because I really loved that part.
But if you write it like that, don’t you think the readers are going to get confused?

Creativity/Originality: 13/15

I thought it was pretty much original that this was from your own ideas and imaginations which I mostly like. You putting Krystal as Yoona’s sister when actually she’s Jessica’s and making the story in a lot different way as the others. I never read this kind of stories before so it’s a good thing for you and me isn’t it? Haha. I like your style of the story! Can’t wait to read more of it!

Flow: 8/10

The flow of the story is good and well done that I am giving you a full mark! The continuation is good! You don’t look like you’re rushing when you’re writing the story! One thing that I don’t like is that you change the colours too much and some colours just hurt my eyes from reading so if you are going to change the colours, please change the colours to somewhat dark colours. Maybe it’s just me again, but like those pink colours you use was so light that it hurted my eyes. Why not use just one colour also? That could be much better.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10

I did mention some mistakes at the beginning just hope you fix that and know what you wrote wrong or did wrong. The thing I spotted out to you is the only mistakes that I found. The paragraphs were fine but hey, the quotes, what they say please start with a new line! Put full stop at the right place and the commas! As I said, proof read if you proof read then I bet you won’t have any small mistake like this.

“You” Yoona fake a smiled and slap Nichhkhun’s back.
Should be “You!” Yoona faked a smile and slapped Nichkhun’s back, “You’re joking right?”

This is the mistake I found again on the fifth chapter. There are a lot of mistake seen in most of all the chapters so that I can’t really, point everything out to you.

Characterisation: 10 /10

This one I can give you the full mark as I said you describe your characters really well in a funny way which I really love.
They really are like that in the story as well which is mostly a good thing and not making the readers not confused of the characters.
It was just a good job.

Writing Style:8 /10

I loved your writing style but as I said, please stop changing the colours but if you want change it to a darker colour than the light ones because it really hurted my eyes. Also, you change the font as well… can I ask you this? Why do you change them? It would be much better if you used the same font and the style and the colour just everything the same. I hope you can find the right font and the colour for your story because I can see that you are putting all different colours when a new paragraph comes…

Overall Enjoyment:5 /5

I enjoyed reading it especially those three guys Taemin Thunder and Dongho was the most funniest guys in your story. I laughed a lot while reading your story! That I will give you the full mark for this part…

Extras:4/5

Because Taemin, Thunder and Dongho are my biases in those group, and the laugh you gave me.
With a short sorry for doing the late review^^
Total:89 /105

Reviewer’s Note: Firstly, I’m so sorry for doing the review late. Secondly I will subscribe to your story and lastly hope you like my honest review for your story! As I didn’t mention all the mistakes if you want me to tell you the mistakes after you reading your story and that you can’t find one. You can always WALL me on Asianfanfics that I can tell you which mistakes you made^^ because I think I’ve found a lot in your story. If you read it I hope you can find those mistakes^^! Thank you!