ShiningStar_: Marrying My Oppa

Title: Marrying My Oppa
Author: ShiningStar_
Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/12208/marrying-my-oppa-kimhyunjoong-onew-romance-shinee-snsd-tiffany/18
Reviewer: Cho
 
Title: 3/5
The title was ok but wasn't enough for me to get attracted to the story with that title.
The title was well connected to the plot though and it also made me think,
"How is she going to marry his oppa?" which is good for the readers to think like this so they can have
more interest to the story. 
 
Poster/Background: 9/10
First of all I'll talk about the background. The background was so bright to see, it also hurted my eyes
but as I saw the pictures there it was well suited to the story. The poster was also nicely done
by Jaeminchul, the picture of Yumi and Onew together in the photo, as well as outside of the photo
there's Hyunjoong and Tiffany who'll be out in the story as well. It was nicely done except that it
was to 'Shining' , 'Bright' ? If it wasn't too bright and shiny I should have gave this the full mark.
 
Description/Foreword: 8.5/10
First of all I found a mistake in your Description which was pretty easily seen.
"I was a just a normal and bored high schooler."
It should be: "I was just a normal and bored high schooler."
You included the "a" when you weren't suppose to put it there.
 
Instead of "How do we have different family name?"
It should be "Why do we have different family name?"
"He loved me like a real dongsaeng. And"
It should be "He loved me like a real dongsaeng and"

You didn't need to put a full stop there, you included a lot of full stop in when you didn't need to put it there.
The description was good and interesting that more than the Title I was really into the description and the foreword.
By reading the description I really wanted to read the first chapter alreaedy! To see what was going to happen
and to see if that actually happens.
 
The foreword there couldn't find any mistakes which was good and the characters were well described.
How you tell the readers if it's rated or not, describing the characters your writing style. 
It was all perfect in the foreword that I really like reading it, it was also neat and tidy.
 
Plot: 13/15
How you wrote the story was so neat and tidy, I loved it also it was long as I love reading long chaptered stories.
At the first chapter it started off with a good start her friend talking and fan-girling about shinee and superjunior,
and how she mentions Hyun Joong, as in the story Onew really seemed clumsy and also loving the chicken.
But my thoughts were gone just like that, when his father said to Marry Yumi at the first chapter, I thought it
was going to be in the middle of the chapter saying that he has to marry her, but since it was at the first chapter
to marry her, it got abit boring. 
 
The second chapter I realised that onew and tiffany was already in a relationship, how she pecked his cheek and left 
and onew thinking about if he will tell her or not, as I can't write all of the chapters down on here, I will shorten
my words by saying that there were some boring parts on some of the chapters and some fun and nice parts in the chapters
also it was nice to read with all the tidy and neat writing, if it was more interesting than that it would have
let me gave you some more higher points. 
 
Creativity/Originality: 10/15
There are a lot of stories about being siblings with singers and having to get married to a person that they really
don't like, but at the end starts to like the person. Their friends being all stuck into the girl because
that she is the sibling of the singer and those things are partly from any stories that I read before.
It wasn't that original as I read the story. Like as I keep on reading the story I almost had a feeling what's
going to happen next or how the ending was going to be, it made it that obvious from some part of the chapters.
 
Flow: 9/10
The flow was good though, there was no feeling of you skipping the story too much, there weren't anything being rushed.
It was just fine for the flow that if you keep on writing like that the flow of the story will be 
much better and good.
 
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9.5/10
I couldn't spot the mistakes in the chapters that I read so far but can I tell you something when a person speaks
you don't need to put that much full stops, "Yes I know. I have to go now. Others are waiting for me." this is my example
of how you are writing when a person speak also "Yes I know! I have to go now! Other's are waiting for me!" You don't need to
put too much of those, it could just be "Yes, I know. I have to go now because the others are waiting for me." Try to 
finish the sentence instead of giving the person too much full stops and the mistakes on the description are there
to get fixed :) 
 
Characterisation: 10/10
I gave you this full mark because as I told you in the story, the characters you described was all there in the story.
It was written well and understandable for the readers to like it and to know what roles they are going to take part
in the story. I really loved how you wrote the characters down :D No confusions, straight forword of what you have to
write about the characters it's 10 out of 10!
 
Writing Style: 8/10
I wanted to give you a full mark but... it was so neatly written and I love the font, colour and the size you used for 
the readers to read the story. The size wasn't too small or too big it was just in the middle that the readers can 
read but there were some disappointments of how there were no paragraphs to the story, well if there
were some paragraphs I couldn't actually tell if it was one or no as it for me just looked like a full whole
sentence you wrote there were mostly people talking in the story then describing in the plot.
 
Overall Enjoyment: 2.5/5
Yeah, because as I said there were some boring parts and some fun and exciting parts that I read in your chapters.
 
Extra: 5/5
I am giving this to you because of my late review. Because Hyunjoong is 5 out of 5. He is my bias in SS501.
How you described the characters and how you wrote it neat and tidy without too much mistakes.
Goodluck on finishing the story :) 
 
Total: 87.5/105