Night97: True Light

Story Title: True Light

Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/27976/true-light-ukiss

Author: Night97

Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/6477

Reviewer: daniela501

Site: Sweet Delights Request Shop

Title 4/5

It wasn’t understandable at first why it was entitled “True Light” and it wouldn’t catch much attention from readers.

Foreword/Description 7/10

There’s no foreword and the description wasn’t very detailed.

Originality (Plot and Character Personalities) 15/15

Totally different from the true Kevin! Haha! =)) And well, your story is different because it is mostly about being religious and living the right path.

Flow 10/10

Nothing too fast and everything was connected to each other.

Writing Style 20/20

Completely understandable and not confusing.

Grammar 18/25

I thought as I turn from left to right,

Turn should be in past form: turned.

(A number of errors like this were located like seems=seemed need-needed.)

A man asked, I looked back and pointed by gun at him.

It shoud be “my gun at him”

He looked at me and again, touched my shoulders in a comforting way, but after, he walked pass me.

After what? Use “afterwards” or “after that”.

"You have good intentions, my dear. But you don't achieve what you have in a clean way."

It is better to say “you don’t achieve what you want in a clean way”.

It took me some time to process what is happening.

“Was” should be used since you are talking about the past.

(I encountered a number of errors like this. Is=was are=were do-did)

I shrugged the thoughts of.

This is like “shaking the thoughts away”, so better use “off” instead.

but I doubt if they can find me

“If” is used in stating conditions, use “that”

He popped out from nowhere.

Use “popped out of nowhere”

I sat beside him in a bench.

In=on

“This is the 10 Commandments

Since you are talking about ten commandments, it should be this way “These are the 10 commandments.”

Jessica lipped as she ran towards my direction and hugged me.

It is better to say “mouthed”.

Overall Enjoyment 14/15

Good story, and it even conveys a lesson.

Bonus Points 3

For me, the fact that you had a different plot: revolving around God and living rightfully, should earn a lot of points. Not only would the readers be eager to read this, but as they finish, your story will surely leave a mark in their hearts.

Total Score: 91/100

Reviewer’s Note:  I hope you are contented with the score I gave you ^^