ReaReaUmbi: Because Stars Do Not Shine; Because You Are Human

Because Stars Do Not Shine; Because You Are Human

by ReaReaUmbi

Reviewer: SKID_11 @ Sweet Delights Request Shop

Title: 3/5

It’s a bit too wordy for me to truly like. Titles are meant to be short and sweet, in my opinion. You can make them long, but not too much. I’m not saying yours is very long, but it’s long enough. However, it is a good, poetic title, and it makes a bit of sense with your one-shot, so good job! :) You get three out of five from me!

An Idea for the Title:  A suggestion from me to you would be that you should name your one-shot “Because Stars Do Not Shine” or “Because You Are Human” instead.

Description/Foreword: 5/10

I can’t give you a good mark for this because of the fact...well, you don’t really describe much. The description is basically you talking about losing/not-losing the one-shot, instead of using the description for what it ismeant to be used for – drawing in curious readers.

Also, your foreword is nothing but an author’s note, though I have to admit that there isn’t much you can do for a foreword when all you have written is one-shot. Lol HOWEVER, I gave you a five because of the fact thatTRIED to write a short, detailed-enough summary, so thanks for trying! :)

Originality of Plot: 19/20

It was very original, since I’ve never seen something formatted this way or written this way, and so, kudos to you, my friend! ^.^ hehe

I took one mark off since I wasn’t one hundred percent sure about what this one-shot really broadcasted. Key’s awesomeness? The fact that he should just relax sometimes? Some people don’t truly understand him? There was so many things happening and being talked about here, so it was confusing to grasp the true meaning for this.

Writing Style: 20/25

Great writing style! It was just that it was a bit confusing in some places, where I didn’t understand what you were trying to say, though it sounded really deep and poetic. xD Hehe; sorry!

Grammar and Spelling: 8/10

A few mistakes here and there is why you lost two marks.

For example, this:

i. Idiots do no understand the definition by which you go by, nor do they comprehend the ever so idea that you are just a normal guy with slightly too pale skin, a heart heated by the sun himself covering every ounce of pain and whim with Maquillage

Is actually supposed to be written like this:

i. Idiots do not understand the definition by which you go by, nor do they comprehend the idea that you are just a normal guy with slightly pale skin, a heart heated by the sun itself, covering every ounce of pain and whim with Maquillage.

Mistakes like this is all I saw, which is good, for these tiny mistakes don’t really take much away from the actual message you were truly to portray – Key’s aweome (...er, I think that’s what you meant to say, right?).

Characterization: -/25

This is not needed, since there aren’t exactly any characteristics to grade. Don’t worry, though – I’ll take this out of the overall mark, since that is the only fair thing to do.

Other: 5/5

Simply because of the formatting of this poetic one-shot, how you used wonderful words to get your little point across, and simply because this truly did show/broadcast Almighty Key’s...er, almightiness. Lol xD

Overall mark:

60/75

The one-shot was good, but do remember these three things:

• Read aloud when trying to self-edit
• Get at least two people to peer-edit (They don’t have to know you; perhaps they’re online friends or friends on AFF)
• Use spell-check at least twice to make sure every is fine

If you remember all of this for next time, and perhaps even use these bullets for this one-shot, you’ll make it so much awesome and better than it already is! :)

Good job on this one-shot, and keep on making great one-shots/stories!