Story Title: Life Together
Author: madz67
Profile Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/11824
Title 4/5
They aren’t really living together yet, right? They spent their lives being friends and all, but it wasn’t said that they are “together” as lovers because by reading only the title, one would assume that the main characters are in a relationship.
Foreword 7/10
No foreword was provided, only a description. Even if this is a one-shot, please try to give an overview of the whole story. A paragraph is enough, but not 2 or 3 sentences, especially if you use “What will happen next?” and the like. Giving a better overview will earn you more chances of having good feedbacks.
Originality (Plot and Character Personalities) 13/15
The plot was a common event in a true story or in fanfictions. It would be better if you added something spectacular or extraordinary that would make it unique among the others.
Flow 10/10
Flashbacks and present time switches were easily understood.
Writing Style 13/15
Your style of writing their dialogs is a bit confusing.
"Class, I want all of you to meet So-eun. She's new here so please be nice to her." Mrs. Kan said. "Annyeong-haseyo, So-eun imnida." So-eun said to the others. "Now, So-eun would you like to take the seat next to Bum?" Mrs. Kang said. "Yes of course." She said and walked straight to the chair next to Bum while adjusting her glasses.
In writing dialogs, try to separate each person’s part. For example,while Mrs. Kan spoke, try to describe his gestures. After that, start a new paragraph for another person’s statement.
An author’s writing style is very important in the readers’ understanding of the story.
Grammar/Spelling 23/25
The story is clear and it doesn’t confuse the reader. I only detected few minor mistakes. I omit only a few points for minor errors.
(yours=bold/italic mine=normal)
They used to study in the same school; pre-school, high school and EVEN is collage. and One day, the same day they graduated collage, Bum said something to So-eun. What do you think is it?
Collage is a very different thing from college. Collage- art of putting together different designs. College- school level.
He said as she kept looking at him with an curious face.
Use “an” for words beginning with a vowel. When it begins with a consonant, use “a”.
When you make use of contractions, be sure that you put the apostrophe where it is needed.
Its been so many years since that happened.
Your form of its shows possession.
Example: The rose is my favorite flower. Its fragrance lightens up my mood.
In your case, you should have used It’s been or It has been.
They became best friends. Being studying in the same school. Having the same course at collage. Even sharing secrets.
It 's better to say: They became best friends, studying at the same school, having the same course in college and sharing each other's secrets.
"Yes of course oppa." She said as he continuesly savor the moment. Moments later, they shared each other's first kiss.
You are using the pat form, so change this into continuously savored.
Overall Enjoyment 13/15
The story is somehow common and their wasn’t an extraordinary event that would make the story stand out among others with the same plot.
Bonus Points 0/5
I am looking for something new in order to give bonus points.
Total Score: 83/100
Reviewer’s Note: Here is the review for you, madz67. I hope you will not have any negative feelings about this and that you may find this useful in improving your other stories =)
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